Sunday, May 25, 2014
SF Weekly
Evan Karp was nice enough to write up this little blurb about me in the SF Weekly last summer, for the "One Lone Pear Tree" reading series.
It makes me smile.
Full Belly Happy Brain
It makes me smile.
Full Belly Happy Brain
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
"Things My Therapist Said"
My anxiety is classified as situational. I do not suffer from panic attacks everyday, but my anxiety and panic stem from previous experiences that I didn’t realize. When the attacks first started, doctors were quick to prescribe me medications. I wasn’t comfortable with this, these happy little pills were wearing down my sense of judgement, making me feel happy when I should be feeling sad, or nothing at all. I didn’t want to feel nothing, I wanted to feel something, but with control. I had just ended a very co-dependent relationship, which was causing my face numbing panic attacks.
Before I started my counseling sessions, I looked at anxiety as a weakness. Now I think of it as my super power, it makes me stronger that the rest. I couldn’t have changed my perspective had it not been for my therapist. When I picked up the phone to make my first appointment, I didn’t know what was going to happen. I thought only crazy people saw therapists. I was wrong. All kinds of people see therapists and counselors for different reasons. My therapist gave me a bounty of advice that can’t be contained in one article. I am going to give you the three most important things my therapist said to me. These are the first steps to controlling what your body is doing, and regaining control and confidence in yourself.
In my first session, she had me remember a time where I was completely independent. I took myself to London. When I was in college, I flew to London all by myself, and managed to navigate the public transportation system. It made me feel like I could do anything. She would recall this situation for me when I was feeling like I couldn’t make it through the day, or conquer the task at hand. She would say, Sarah in London could do it. I remembered, that Sarah in London, was me. She was fierce, not afraid to see the world, and she could do anything.
On the flip side, if I can’t handle what’s in front of me, I have the power to decide for myself what is best for me. If it means walking away, or leaving a social engagement, then that’s okay too. She assured me that taking small little steps into every situation that triggers my anxiety is a step in the right direction. She also had me visualize my anxiety as a dragon, and that I was the wizard who had the power to conquer it.
If you are in a situation, and you can’t immediately get out of it, remember to breathe. The power of breath is largely underestimated in our society. You can send breath to different parts of your body, if you focus on that certain part. As you inhale, think, you are safe. As you exhale, think, you are secure. Take long deep breaths--in through your nose, and out through your nose, repeating these words to yourself either out loud or in your head. When I was stuck in traffic and running late, this would help. She also encouraged me to realize there are situations outside of my control, and to accept the absurdity of them, and move on. This changes a so-called track in our brains that is created from stress hormones. When our bodies are in situations of stress, we automatically go into “fight or flight” mode, due to the hormone. If we can control the release of the hormone, or how we react to it, we can change when it is released. With this exercise, you are re-assuring yourself that you are okay, there is no panic, the world is not ending. Most importantly, you aren’t dying. People that suffer from anxiety and panic can spin reality into anything, which often isn’t reality at all. Try and be present in the situation as much as possible, and look at what is actually happening, not what you think will happen. When I would engage in panic mode, my brain would start asking questions, commonly referred to as “What-if’s”.
She encouraged me to answer the what-if questions I was proposing to myself, helping me realize that the situation wasn’t dangerous at all.
Lastly, I have changed my perspective, which is key. Changing your perspective is the most important thing you can do when you live a life of anxiety. When I sat in her office she would hand me a pair of big green sunglasses. “Put them on,” she said. And I did. Then she would say, now you are looking through these glasses, the glasses that have the power to change what you are seeing, or what movie you are watching. If you think you are watching a horror movie, your life can transform into a horror movie. If you think you are watching a romantic comedy, then your brain will also adapt to situations that occur in romantic comedies. Life is what you make of it, in short. Often times, when I am walking through the park alone at night, and start to worry about what could happen, I remember the green glasses, and remind myself, that I am not in a horror film. And if something were to happen, that was actually real danger, Sarah London could handle anything.
Friday, May 31, 2013
TOP 8 REASONS (NOT) TO DATE AN ARTIST
by Sarah Bushman
Having dated many artists, from photographers, to print-makers, to designers, and being an artist myself, I composed this short list as a guide for people who get involved with our muted, twisted, sometimes hard to read, personalities. We can be difficult, we can be hard to read, but that doesn’t mean you should give up. Artists need love too. It just means you have to put in more work. You have to be ready for a challenge, an adventure, and to live life. If this sums you up, then keep reading. Here are the Top 8 reasons (not) to date an artist.
1. You will act as inspiration to us. Initially, this will excite you, fulfilling a wish or dream you had of being a character, or a muse. Many problems could occur from this. You could dislike the picture we painted of you, or, after you get fed up with us, you will fuel our passion towards hating love, or how crappy dating is.
2. We look for inspiration everywhere. This could be a gorgeous person who caught the right light in a bar, or the bottom of a glass of whiskey. Over time, you could get jealous by our distraction of shiny sparkly things, or shiny sparkly people.
3. We are selfish. Our work will come first. It will come before you. Gazing off into space on the train, you ask us what we we are thinking, and we say, we are thinking about working. You say we don’t give you enough attention, or time. Our answer, there is never enough time.
4. Alcohol, pot, or coffee will consistently run through our blood. Or some other substance. It could be our prescription for anxiety or depression. You are getting an altered version of ourselves, except in the morning, when we are answering our mentor’s phone call naked, on your bedroom floor. Or when we throw on clothes and rush out to catch the bus before you are even out of bed. Leaving you feeling empty, or used.
5. There is always something “happening.” Openings, readings, shows, parties, and we want you to experience them with us. Adventures lasting until the sun comes up, with no plan of where we are going next. You will want to come with us, because they are just that cool, so your parties, gatherings, priorities will be less important.
6. Most of us are more sensitive and more emotional than other creatures on this planet. Our mood swings cannot be predicted. They come on like a storm. We will cancel plans last minute, because we have to be alone to work.
7. There is an emotional trauma/tragedy, that we will tell you about over and over again when inebriated. An ex that ripped out a heart. Our stories will become repetitive. We are always trying to get you to understand why it happened. But some people don’t care about why.
8. A switch will flip, sending us into existential crisis mode at any time. Sitting in a Starbucks, sitting in your car, sitting in a bar. Laying in your bed, post coitus. Asking questions about the self, the body, the connection, and what happens when we die.
by Sarah Bushman
Having dated many artists, from photographers, to print-makers, to designers, and being an artist myself, I composed this short list as a guide for people who get involved with our muted, twisted, sometimes hard to read, personalities. We can be difficult, we can be hard to read, but that doesn’t mean you should give up. Artists need love too. It just means you have to put in more work. You have to be ready for a challenge, an adventure, and to live life. If this sums you up, then keep reading. Here are the Top 8 reasons (not) to date an artist.
1. You will act as inspiration to us. Initially, this will excite you, fulfilling a wish or dream you had of being a character, or a muse. Many problems could occur from this. You could dislike the picture we painted of you, or, after you get fed up with us, you will fuel our passion towards hating love, or how crappy dating is.
2. We look for inspiration everywhere. This could be a gorgeous person who caught the right light in a bar, or the bottom of a glass of whiskey. Over time, you could get jealous by our distraction of shiny sparkly things, or shiny sparkly people.
3. We are selfish. Our work will come first. It will come before you. Gazing off into space on the train, you ask us what we we are thinking, and we say, we are thinking about working. You say we don’t give you enough attention, or time. Our answer, there is never enough time.
4. Alcohol, pot, or coffee will consistently run through our blood. Or some other substance. It could be our prescription for anxiety or depression. You are getting an altered version of ourselves, except in the morning, when we are answering our mentor’s phone call naked, on your bedroom floor. Or when we throw on clothes and rush out to catch the bus before you are even out of bed. Leaving you feeling empty, or used.
5. There is always something “happening.” Openings, readings, shows, parties, and we want you to experience them with us. Adventures lasting until the sun comes up, with no plan of where we are going next. You will want to come with us, because they are just that cool, so your parties, gatherings, priorities will be less important.
6. Most of us are more sensitive and more emotional than other creatures on this planet. Our mood swings cannot be predicted. They come on like a storm. We will cancel plans last minute, because we have to be alone to work.
7. There is an emotional trauma/tragedy, that we will tell you about over and over again when inebriated. An ex that ripped out a heart. Our stories will become repetitive. We are always trying to get you to understand why it happened. But some people don’t care about why.
8. A switch will flip, sending us into existential crisis mode at any time. Sitting in a Starbucks, sitting in your car, sitting in a bar. Laying in your bed, post coitus. Asking questions about the self, the body, the connection, and what happens when we die.
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